Three days are left until the end of February, and the beginning of March. Time is quickly slipping away, and there is nothing I can do to slow it down.
That's the thing. You never realize how important time is until it's run away from you. My biggest fear is waking up one morning and regretting all the time I wasted on unimportant things. I don't think I'm living to my full potential. There are days where I don't do anything at all, and it should not be like that. Instead I should make use of my time.
But sometimes I'm just much too sad to do anything. Something is holding me back from everything I want to live for. Actually, I don't even know where to begin, really. Everything is in shambles, in a huge mess of knots, and I don't know which one to loosen first; the more time I waste walking around them, the tighter they become.
Only God can help me now. I'm losing focus inside myself. I wish I could tell someone, anyone, about the things that are eating away within me. But what would I tell them, when I myself, do not know the exact cause of my problems?
I tried being alone, I tried being around others. Nothing really helps. All I can do is just hope to feel better, and wait for all these emotions to subside.
On top of it all, I've been having extreme cases of insomnia. Over the last 5 days, I've been falling asleep around 5-6am. I'm fatigued beyond belief, but I just can't sleep. The stress is literally killing me. I hardly feel like eating, seeing people, or even just having fun. I don't feel like I deserve it.
All I have for now is guilt. Only when this guilt leaves me will I finally be able to live.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
what a gorgeous feeling
some of the most simplest things, be it sunshine, the smell of spring, the taste of cold water, the sound of a singular note on a piano, and even the smallest hug from someone who loves you, is nothing but sheer beauty
these are the things i want to cherish for the rest of my life
Monday, February 23, 2009
bumps
alone now, the more beautiful, more poetic, more graceful one, scrapes inside me.
each scrape being a gentle reminder of what i was.
can you see it? could you feel the happiness that had been in my past?
no you can't.
hidden beneath a hopeless figure. bumps over here, bumps over there.
whatever happened to her?
the bumps made her lose it all: affection, love, desire.
i sleep to forget about "what could have been" and wake to "what i'm not"
each scrape being a gentle reminder of what i was.
can you see it? could you feel the happiness that had been in my past?
no you can't.
hidden beneath a hopeless figure. bumps over here, bumps over there.
whatever happened to her?
the bumps made her lose it all: affection, love, desire.
i sleep to forget about "what could have been" and wake to "what i'm not"
claude debussy
Even though his style of music was criticized in the late 1800s, his pieces inspired many other musicians (Ravel, Stravinsky, etc) after he passed away. He was a musical impressionist; his pieces focused on a degree of dissonance and whole-tone scales, but they created such emotion that often reflected upon the situations in his own life. Look him up! Start with the ever famous Claire de Lune and become moved by this musician who flourished in the Romantic era.Sunday, February 22, 2009
spontaneous
...basically sums up Friday night. We all knew Vancouver was going to be crazy fun, but who knew it would have been as crazy and fun as it was!
The three of us barely managed to get to the ferry on time. It would take us 1.5 hrs to get to Van, so we spent most of the time getting ready and drinking in the baby changing room... hahaha! No one came in, so we were safe.
We got off of the ferry, grabbed the next bus downtown, and finally got to Granville St. where Danielle came and got us.
Aaaand so it began! We went to a bud's house to do some pre-drinking and headed to the bars around 11:30.
Everyone looked great! Some people were wearing ski goggles, and just other skiing attire. We went to a bar/club called Bourbon and danced there for a few hours until we all got separated... some people disappeared, so Ebs, Paul, Joel and I assumed they headed off to Celebrities... so we grabbed a taxi there. Well, no one had left for Celebrities, and we weren't going in because of the 25 dollar cover charge, ew. Anyways, Paul ditched us for a bar, and the three of us just went back to Joel's place.
We had some more fun, and then we all finally met up again. I don't think I've laughed that hard before.
Danielle, being the queen of crazy ideas, said that we were going to walk back to her place, and that it would take like 10 min. Right now it was 4:30am....
10 min turned out to be an hour and a half, including a stroll for a majority of that time through EAST HASTINGS... WHAT THE HELL?! Danielle just laughed. The rest of us wanted to pee our pants we were so scared... Good news is that we arrived alive, went to bed at 7am... woke up at 10 am... went for breakfast, and then grabbed a sea plane home around 3.
Watched nip/tuck for the rest of the night at the BGH, and I am finally at home...
I'm super sore. My feet and legs hurt a lot. We'[re supposed to do it up again on St. Patty's Day, I can only imagine what other crazy things are going to happen then!
Bed time! x
The three of us barely managed to get to the ferry on time. It would take us 1.5 hrs to get to Van, so we spent most of the time getting ready and drinking in the baby changing room... hahaha! No one came in, so we were safe.
We got off of the ferry, grabbed the next bus downtown, and finally got to Granville St. where Danielle came and got us.
Aaaand so it began! We went to a bud's house to do some pre-drinking and headed to the bars around 11:30.
Everyone looked great! Some people were wearing ski goggles, and just other skiing attire. We went to a bar/club called Bourbon and danced there for a few hours until we all got separated... some people disappeared, so Ebs, Paul, Joel and I assumed they headed off to Celebrities... so we grabbed a taxi there. Well, no one had left for Celebrities, and we weren't going in because of the 25 dollar cover charge, ew. Anyways, Paul ditched us for a bar, and the three of us just went back to Joel's place.
We had some more fun, and then we all finally met up again. I don't think I've laughed that hard before.
Danielle, being the queen of crazy ideas, said that we were going to walk back to her place, and that it would take like 10 min. Right now it was 4:30am....
10 min turned out to be an hour and a half, including a stroll for a majority of that time through EAST HASTINGS... WHAT THE HELL?! Danielle just laughed. The rest of us wanted to pee our pants we were so scared... Good news is that we arrived alive, went to bed at 7am... woke up at 10 am... went for breakfast, and then grabbed a sea plane home around 3.
Watched nip/tuck for the rest of the night at the BGH, and I am finally at home...
I'm super sore. My feet and legs hurt a lot. We'[re supposed to do it up again on St. Patty's Day, I can only imagine what other crazy things are going to happen then!
Bed time! x
Friday, February 20, 2009
skibunnies and dancing
It's friday and I'm jazzed! I spent the day writing a music theory midterm, hanging out with Leah and Zoe, and then napped at Paul's house, haha. Ebs, Paul and I are heading down to Vancouver tonight to meet up with Danielle! Sooo excited! We're going to dress up as skibunnies and head down to the bars, haha. I know it's going to be a huuuge gong show, but it's nothing we can't handle! Paul and I still have to put our outfits together, but I'm sure it won't be a problem.
I just know that even the ferry ride is going to be nuts!
Better get ready,
xoxo
I just know that even the ferry ride is going to be nuts!
Better get ready,
xoxo
Thursday, February 19, 2009
twenty-five things... taken from facebook
1. I will be traveling to London, England in January 2010. I've never been outside of the country except to India which was in grade 5.
2. I became afraid of spiders after a friend told me the most ridiculous story. She said that if I ever gotten bit by a spider, eggs would be produced under my skin, would create a "hill" and then they would hatch and come out of my skin!
3. I had tonsillitis as a kid for about 8 years until my parents switched from tap water to well water.
4. I am a really shy person. I like to act as though I'm not, but really, I blush at so many things! Nanaimo definitely opened me up.
5. When I was younger, I had aspirations to become a teacher. However, that changed after my grade 1 experience. My teacher would purposely get me in trouble! She was scary as hell!
6. I probably go to www.digg.com every day! As nerdy as it sounds, I love reading up on new scientific discoveries.
7. I'm pigeon-toed. It used to be really bad until my aunt told me about it.
8. Living on Pine Street rather than on campus was the best decision ever made! I love how fate works in unusual ways.
9. I have a "secret" spot in Cranbrook where I go to when I'm really upset or when I just want to be alone.
10. I have a huge fear of flying, yet I still would rather fly than drive. This year I must have flown well over 8 times, and the number keeps going up.
11. I have a love affair with east indian cuisine. Coming in second place is chinese food.
12. When I was four years old, I tripped down the stairs and rolled all the way to the bottom. My parents were amazed that there were no injuries to my head.
13. I am the first child in my family to live away from home.
14. I have huge dreams in the future to do humanitarian work. After my trip in London, I plan to stay in India for a few months to help those in need.
15. I've began watching nip/tuck from the first season. I hardly watch TV, but when I do, its probably because something huge has caught my interest.
16. I want to learn how to play at least 6 different instruments and go from there.
17. There has been only one person in my life who inspired me in ways that no body else has.
18. I do my best to help friends when they need someone. I can be very, very emotional.
19. In the future, I want to turn one of the rooms in my house into a private recording studio.
20. I would love to go on a party cruise ship sometime soon!
21. I've decided to try anything new at least once. I had raw fish for the first time this year, and I realized that I love tuna, but despise salmon and squid! I also plan on going skydiving in the summer.
22. When it comes down to hanging out with friends, I almost always hang out with guys, and when it comes to girls, I have very few "close" friends.
23. The two seasons I thrive in are Summer and Fall.
24. I'm a firm believer in karma: Do unto others as you would have done to you.
25. The best decision I've made would be to follow my heart.
2. I became afraid of spiders after a friend told me the most ridiculous story. She said that if I ever gotten bit by a spider, eggs would be produced under my skin, would create a "hill" and then they would hatch and come out of my skin!
3. I had tonsillitis as a kid for about 8 years until my parents switched from tap water to well water.
4. I am a really shy person. I like to act as though I'm not, but really, I blush at so many things! Nanaimo definitely opened me up.
5. When I was younger, I had aspirations to become a teacher. However, that changed after my grade 1 experience. My teacher would purposely get me in trouble! She was scary as hell!
6. I probably go to www.digg.com every day! As nerdy as it sounds, I love reading up on new scientific discoveries.
7. I'm pigeon-toed. It used to be really bad until my aunt told me about it.
8. Living on Pine Street rather than on campus was the best decision ever made! I love how fate works in unusual ways.
9. I have a "secret" spot in Cranbrook where I go to when I'm really upset or when I just want to be alone.
10. I have a huge fear of flying, yet I still would rather fly than drive. This year I must have flown well over 8 times, and the number keeps going up.
11. I have a love affair with east indian cuisine. Coming in second place is chinese food.
12. When I was four years old, I tripped down the stairs and rolled all the way to the bottom. My parents were amazed that there were no injuries to my head.
13. I am the first child in my family to live away from home.
14. I have huge dreams in the future to do humanitarian work. After my trip in London, I plan to stay in India for a few months to help those in need.
15. I've began watching nip/tuck from the first season. I hardly watch TV, but when I do, its probably because something huge has caught my interest.
16. I want to learn how to play at least 6 different instruments and go from there.
17. There has been only one person in my life who inspired me in ways that no body else has.
18. I do my best to help friends when they need someone. I can be very, very emotional.
19. In the future, I want to turn one of the rooms in my house into a private recording studio.
20. I would love to go on a party cruise ship sometime soon!
21. I've decided to try anything new at least once. I had raw fish for the first time this year, and I realized that I love tuna, but despise salmon and squid! I also plan on going skydiving in the summer.
22. When it comes down to hanging out with friends, I almost always hang out with guys, and when it comes to girls, I have very few "close" friends.
23. The two seasons I thrive in are Summer and Fall.
24. I'm a firm believer in karma: Do unto others as you would have done to you.
25. The best decision I've made would be to follow my heart.
steer away or have another shipwreck
i wish i knew what was wrong with me
the same breeze from last year has re-awakened my senses (just as the sun warms the ground at the break of dawn)
although i know nature's reasons, i do not know my own
the same breeze from last year has re-awakened my senses (just as the sun warms the ground at the break of dawn)
although i know nature's reasons, i do not know my own
i am you and you are me
no escaping from the mess we're in
so much pleasure that it must be sin
i must live with this reality
i am yours eternally
so much pleasure that it must be sin
i must live with this reality
i am yours eternally
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
i'll die trying
i feel cold.
it's that sensation that grabs from inside your soul into your heart. kicking and screaming, you fight for what is right, what you KNOW is right, but instead it just passes by deaf ears. with hands open you plead for the truth, for the well-being of humanity, for the sake of future generations, hoping that your opinion may at last save the world from its own destruction.
but we're all failing. we're giving in. we're losing ourselves in a world of sparkle and glamour. we argue over petty things. we suffer over trivial pursuits.
we're forgetting where we came from.
we're brushing off what we could be.
it's that sensation that grabs from inside your soul into your heart. kicking and screaming, you fight for what is right, what you KNOW is right, but instead it just passes by deaf ears. with hands open you plead for the truth, for the well-being of humanity, for the sake of future generations, hoping that your opinion may at last save the world from its own destruction.
but we're all failing. we're giving in. we're losing ourselves in a world of sparkle and glamour. we argue over petty things. we suffer over trivial pursuits.
we're forgetting where we came from.
we're brushing off what we could be.
sick
Worst morning ever!
I woke up to a sore throat and horrible cough... not to mention a bunch of fluid in my lungs. NOT COOL! I had a private lesson this morning... but of course I wasn't going to go. Who sings with no voice? I just slept until 2:30pm, and then tried to make food, but couldn't. The only thing I did have was tea with ginger and honey...
Six o'clock came by. and I attended a gay pride meeting with some friends. I have to organize music for the opening of the mixer we will be having in March. I know many musicians who would love to do it, so I'm not overly worried.
After that, I went down to the grocery store, bought a huge carton of OJ, some more ginger, and 5 cans of soup...
got home and chugged 3 glasses of OJ, had soup, and then made tea with orange pekoe, ginger, turmeric and honey...
helped a lot! I just need to sleep.... hopefully I feel better tomorrow....
I woke up to a sore throat and horrible cough... not to mention a bunch of fluid in my lungs. NOT COOL! I had a private lesson this morning... but of course I wasn't going to go. Who sings with no voice? I just slept until 2:30pm, and then tried to make food, but couldn't. The only thing I did have was tea with ginger and honey...
Six o'clock came by. and I attended a gay pride meeting with some friends. I have to organize music for the opening of the mixer we will be having in March. I know many musicians who would love to do it, so I'm not overly worried.
After that, I went down to the grocery store, bought a huge carton of OJ, some more ginger, and 5 cans of soup...
got home and chugged 3 glasses of OJ, had soup, and then made tea with orange pekoe, ginger, turmeric and honey...
helped a lot! I just need to sleep.... hopefully I feel better tomorrow....
we're gonna be here tomorrow whether or not you stopped your wondering
So, I never thought I'd have friends that would ACTUALLY read my blogs...
I was wrong... hahahahaha.
But I'm grateful for such amazing people in my life... It's nice to have days where no one expects anything from you. You're free to be mad, happy, or sad, and it is fine. It's fine to express how you feel. It's okay to not smile all the time. It's okay to be you!
How great is that? I'm writing this for all of you who care about me! Without you guys I don't know where I would be! I'm aaalways here for you guys! <33333
(you all know who you are)
xo
I was wrong... hahahahaha.
But I'm grateful for such amazing people in my life... It's nice to have days where no one expects anything from you. You're free to be mad, happy, or sad, and it is fine. It's fine to express how you feel. It's okay to not smile all the time. It's okay to be you!
How great is that? I'm writing this for all of you who care about me! Without you guys I don't know where I would be! I'm aaalways here for you guys! <33333
(you all know who you are)
xo
Monday, February 16, 2009
seven lies, multiplied by seven, multiplied by seven again
Yeah, Monsanto pisses me off.
Nothing but a bunch of rich, arrogant, evil people looking out for profits rather than people. First of all, why would anyone trust a company that manufactured things like Agent Orange before they became an agricultural company?
And recombinant bovine growth hormones in milk?
Fuck that.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
with all my will, but much against my heart
It's Valentines Day, but instead of moping around my home alone, Paul and Letasha both made plans with me.
I'm going to head over to Paul's in about an hour or so to watch the remaining episodes of nip/tuck. We're working our way up from season one to season five. Shouldn't take us too long with the rate that we're going at.
Around 4, Paul is going to Duncan to visit a friend. Letasha wants me to go over to her place (which is convenient because we all live on the same street haha), and we'll probably do some baking, drink wine, and just have a girls night. It's pretty much needed after how horrible this week has been.
I'm just waiting for my roommate to get out of the shower... it's been an hour!
Happy Valentines Day to those who are taken, and those who are not.
I'm going to head over to Paul's in about an hour or so to watch the remaining episodes of nip/tuck. We're working our way up from season one to season five. Shouldn't take us too long with the rate that we're going at.
Around 4, Paul is going to Duncan to visit a friend. Letasha wants me to go over to her place (which is convenient because we all live on the same street haha), and we'll probably do some baking, drink wine, and just have a girls night. It's pretty much needed after how horrible this week has been.
I'm just waiting for my roommate to get out of the shower... it's been an hour!
Happy Valentines Day to those who are taken, and those who are not.
for valentines day
a moment to rememberA magic moment I remember:
I raised my eyes and you were there.
A fleeting vision, the quintessence
Of all that's beautiful and rare.
I pray to mute despair and anguish
To vain pursuits the world esteems,
Long did I near your soothing accents,
Long did your features haunt my dreams.
Time passed- A rebel storm-blast scattered
The reveries that once were mine
And I forgot your soothing accents,
Your features gracefully divine.
In dark days of enforced retirement
I gazed upon grey skies above
With no ideals to inspire me,
No one to cry for, live for, love.
Then came a moment of renaissance,
I looked up- you again are there,
A fleeting vision, the quintessence
Of all that`s beautiful and rare.
-- alexander pushkin
beirut
Beirut makes me so happy. It was initially a solo project created by Zach Condon but then later became a full band led by Condon. He's a huge inspiration. He dropped out of school at the age of 16 to pursue his career in music. He traveled to Europe and then became drawn to the folk music there (primarily Balkan). His musical dream eventually came true and now he's a 23 year old success story. Kudos!Friday, February 13, 2009
if you're weak it will make you... you
My Friday feels like a Saturday, but less fun.
I woke up at 8:30am, got ready for class, and just when I was about to walk to school, I suddenly changed my mind. I feel horrible about myself, and I completely lost the motivation to attend my music theory class.
Last night was probably the worst night of my life. No, I lie. It probably could have been a LOT worse. I realized that I am completely doomed to failure no matter how confident I become. I don't know if that is my fault, or because others ignore to see what I am really worth.
People are fake. Relationships are fake. Even love is fake. What IS real are judgments, lies, and egocentric, idolized beings. People love to mimic those that "have" everything, even if it means lying to themselves.
I just don't get it. I'm SICK and TIRED of meeting people who can't be themselves.
I've made some new goals for myself due to the consequences of the choices I had made last night. I'm not going to pursue anything I'm not sure about. It's just like being led in the dark. I'm going to hang out with my girlfriends more than my guy friends. I'm just not going to pursue any males for a long, long time. Not until they learn to grow up, which could take years.
I'm going back to watch nip/tuck.
I woke up at 8:30am, got ready for class, and just when I was about to walk to school, I suddenly changed my mind. I feel horrible about myself, and I completely lost the motivation to attend my music theory class.
Last night was probably the worst night of my life. No, I lie. It probably could have been a LOT worse. I realized that I am completely doomed to failure no matter how confident I become. I don't know if that is my fault, or because others ignore to see what I am really worth.
People are fake. Relationships are fake. Even love is fake. What IS real are judgments, lies, and egocentric, idolized beings. People love to mimic those that "have" everything, even if it means lying to themselves.
I just don't get it. I'm SICK and TIRED of meeting people who can't be themselves.
I've made some new goals for myself due to the consequences of the choices I had made last night. I'm not going to pursue anything I'm not sure about. It's just like being led in the dark. I'm going to hang out with my girlfriends more than my guy friends. I'm just not going to pursue any males for a long, long time. Not until they learn to grow up, which could take years.
I'm going back to watch nip/tuck.
last.
one last look. one last word. one last emotion.
blue islands swell in your eyes on top of pearly seas. your smile unleashes quiet waves of comfort. a locked door withholds a secret that is only meant for one person at the right moment and time to unveil.
open the door, and warm golden light escapes through cracks and windows. walk closer, and the drums begin to beat louder, faster. softly move onward, preventing the onset of distraction. gently push back the door, cymbals clash.
silence.
inhale, exhale. lips part; the tides gently roll in. serenity and freedom moving together in one perfect harmony. floorboards sink like sponge. imprinted images flicker on a screen.
turn back around just to become lost again.
blue islands swell in your eyes on top of pearly seas. your smile unleashes quiet waves of comfort. a locked door withholds a secret that is only meant for one person at the right moment and time to unveil.
open the door, and warm golden light escapes through cracks and windows. walk closer, and the drums begin to beat louder, faster. softly move onward, preventing the onset of distraction. gently push back the door, cymbals clash.
silence.
inhale, exhale. lips part; the tides gently roll in. serenity and freedom moving together in one perfect harmony. floorboards sink like sponge. imprinted images flicker on a screen.
turn back around just to become lost again.
i've lost my passion
i don't think i've ever felt so worthless in my entire life
far too fat.
not as pretty.
no confidence what so ever.
what next?
far too fat.
not as pretty.
no confidence what so ever.
what next?
Monday, February 9, 2009
cinematic orchestra.
you gotta listen to their song, "To Build A Home"
and now, it's time to leave and turn to dust.
to sum it up: family, love and random-ness.
I had a bit of a scare this morning. My Mom phoned me around noon to tell me that my older brother had been in an accident. My heart jumped to my throat. Luckily, he didn't get hurt. As he was driving on the highway, his front and back right tires popped, and he lost control of the vehicle. His car did a 360, and then he fell into a ditch. He's pretty traumatized (obviously) and I feel so horrible for him. I'm just a MILLION times grateful that nothing had happened to him. God is definitely watching over him! He is everything to me, my entire family is. I don't think he really knows how much I look up to him. He protects me from all the bad things in life, and even though sometimes it can be unfair, I appreciate that he does that. He has taught me so many things in life. I really want to hear his voice over the phone, but he hasn't been home; either at work or out with his buds. I'll have to hunt him down tomorrow! Wish I could send him a hug... better yet just hug him myself... I miss my family a lot.
Goes to show that you can never take anything for granted.
Another topic. Love! It's almost Valentines Day, so whatevs.
You know, the first time you ever fall in love, no other love will ever be the same. It's really weird. Even if you never see that person again, you'll meet people who have the same physical attributes, or actions as that first love. It's like a curse or something. And then it's worse when you ONLY fall for people who remind you of that ONE person! I haaate it. I've had to turn down THREE guys just this YEAR because I'm just not attracted to them at all! And they're so nice... fuck I feel like a bitch. One of them even wrote me a song... omg... was that disastrous... another one of them lives in Australia and he's trying to keep in touch with me... that just doesn't work...
I think I'm going to play it safe and be single for V-Day! I'm not ready for all this stuff... I mean, love is great and all.. but I just haven't found that one guy who is meant for me.
But that one person that I have fallen for, I won't ever forget how great he was. He's probably the perfect representation of how guys SHOULD be.
Life is crazy.
And another topic. My friend says that he is really weird, so people think he's random... that makes me laugh, because I must be the most STRANGEST person on the planet! The things I say and do sometimes even shock me... I guess I've just accepted that's who I am. I'm a real child where ever I go. Not initally, but when people REALLY get to know me, the real child comes out! I used to think it was weird... most people love it... and then there are those who think I'm a basket-head... I'm with the second crowd!
I hate awkward situations and I try to avoid them at almost any cost. My resolution this year was to purposely throw myself at those awkward opportunities and learn from them... it's not easy. For example, meeting new people... I get scared by catty women, and egocentric males... but lately, it hasn't been too bad. I can carry out conversations more efficiently... I think I'm finally growing up into an (dare I say it) adult? hahaha... I make myself chuckle. Isn't that "weird" hahaha.... oh dear.
I'm going to bed! : ) What a random blog.
xo
Goes to show that you can never take anything for granted.
Another topic. Love! It's almost Valentines Day, so whatevs.
You know, the first time you ever fall in love, no other love will ever be the same. It's really weird. Even if you never see that person again, you'll meet people who have the same physical attributes, or actions as that first love. It's like a curse or something. And then it's worse when you ONLY fall for people who remind you of that ONE person! I haaate it. I've had to turn down THREE guys just this YEAR because I'm just not attracted to them at all! And they're so nice... fuck I feel like a bitch. One of them even wrote me a song... omg... was that disastrous... another one of them lives in Australia and he's trying to keep in touch with me... that just doesn't work...
I think I'm going to play it safe and be single for V-Day! I'm not ready for all this stuff... I mean, love is great and all.. but I just haven't found that one guy who is meant for me.
But that one person that I have fallen for, I won't ever forget how great he was. He's probably the perfect representation of how guys SHOULD be.
Life is crazy.
And another topic. My friend says that he is really weird, so people think he's random... that makes me laugh, because I must be the most STRANGEST person on the planet! The things I say and do sometimes even shock me... I guess I've just accepted that's who I am. I'm a real child where ever I go. Not initally, but when people REALLY get to know me, the real child comes out! I used to think it was weird... most people love it... and then there are those who think I'm a basket-head... I'm with the second crowd!
I hate awkward situations and I try to avoid them at almost any cost. My resolution this year was to purposely throw myself at those awkward opportunities and learn from them... it's not easy. For example, meeting new people... I get scared by catty women, and egocentric males... but lately, it hasn't been too bad. I can carry out conversations more efficiently... I think I'm finally growing up into an (dare I say it) adult? hahaha... I make myself chuckle. Isn't that "weird" hahaha.... oh dear.
I'm going to bed! : ) What a random blog.
xo
Saturday, February 7, 2009
recap.
My net had been down for about four days, so I haven't been able to record the happenings of my life. Lawford arrived on Thursday night, and everyone was really excited. He and Paul went to Vancouver for about four days, and then returned on sunday night, so we didn't see him until Tuesday. I spent most of my time doing musical theory, practicing both vocals and flute, and spent time with two new friends I've met. They're pretty cool. They're huge jazzers, so we often hang out in the sound-proof rooms and just jam to some tunes. I had my private lesson on Monday with Teresa again, and I'm noticing some huge improvements in my voice. It's awesome to know that just a slight change in the way you sing can alter eeeverything! Her teaching style is perfect because she offers both patience and challenges.
We got a new piece in choir called Down to the River to Pray. I hate it. It plays over and over in my head after class, and its absolutely brutal. Tuesday night, Letasha and I finally met up with Lawford and Paul at the Queen's night club downtown. Turned out it was ladies night... thankfully everything turned out great. There were tons of people, LOTS of guys (smart eh?), and many of my favorite people from school. We danced a lot, drank a lot, and then took 40 min just to grab some food after... we spent most of that time just in the McDonald's parking lot... typical of us. We got home at about 3:30 in the morn... not good when you have a class the next day at 9:30...
On Wednesday I had choir and music theory. I was at the school from 9am to 7pm, and at 8 there was the VIU jazz jam at the Queen's. Leah and I went together and met up with many people from our program. It was sooo fun.
Thursday was boring. On Friday I chilled with Letasha and Paul for a good portion of the day. Finished it off with the movie LoveActually. Sooo good. It was such a heart-warming film that I nearly cried!
Alright, so now it's Saturday... I have to finish some errands and I'm still not sure as to what I want to do tonight... we'll see. Cleaning up my place would be a good start...
I wish it was Thursday the 12th... the MRTA is hosting a pub crawl and I can't wait!! The theme is red... I don't think they were using their full creative potential when deciding upon it... anyways, I have to find a really cute tunic or bubble top, and just make sure I look faaab. There's going to be a TON of cute boys around... can't miss it.
xo
We got a new piece in choir called Down to the River to Pray. I hate it. It plays over and over in my head after class, and its absolutely brutal. Tuesday night, Letasha and I finally met up with Lawford and Paul at the Queen's night club downtown. Turned out it was ladies night... thankfully everything turned out great. There were tons of people, LOTS of guys (smart eh?), and many of my favorite people from school. We danced a lot, drank a lot, and then took 40 min just to grab some food after... we spent most of that time just in the McDonald's parking lot... typical of us. We got home at about 3:30 in the morn... not good when you have a class the next day at 9:30...
On Wednesday I had choir and music theory. I was at the school from 9am to 7pm, and at 8 there was the VIU jazz jam at the Queen's. Leah and I went together and met up with many people from our program. It was sooo fun.
Thursday was boring. On Friday I chilled with Letasha and Paul for a good portion of the day. Finished it off with the movie LoveActually. Sooo good. It was such a heart-warming film that I nearly cried!
Alright, so now it's Saturday... I have to finish some errands and I'm still not sure as to what I want to do tonight... we'll see. Cleaning up my place would be a good start...
I wish it was Thursday the 12th... the MRTA is hosting a pub crawl and I can't wait!! The theme is red... I don't think they were using their full creative potential when deciding upon it... anyways, I have to find a really cute tunic or bubble top, and just make sure I look faaab. There's going to be a TON of cute boys around... can't miss it.
xo
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
take off the necklace and throw it away.
i think i'm in love but it makes me kind of nervous to say so.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
you have not been paying attention.
So many of my friends think I'm this huge political nut, which is true in a sense, but no one really knows why.
I never used to be like this. Before I left Cranbrook, I pretty much never read the news nor paid attention to current affairs. I just didn't care. I had to worry about my own problems enough, so why would I care about what was happening around the world?
Well, I opened my eyes to a new world when I moved to Nanaimo. My good friends would tell me stories of corruption, hidden agendas that it shocked me. It shocked me so much that I was compelled to read anything I could about government, organizations, corporations, politics, banks, etc.
Now, I know so much that I've even began taking action against people and organizations that are ruining our planet and disswaying the media.
I've learned that nothing happens by chance. It's all planned, and is done through an agenda of some sort. The world I had once known finally unveiled to me the hidden secrecy and evil that laid underneath. I changed my program to music because of its purity and I've never been happier.
The truth definitely set me free; however, it's not easy telling people the truth. Ignorance indeed is bliss, but it is also your downfall. Many problems could be solved if people took action. Cleverly and decisively, our rights are being taken away and we all just sit there and watch.
It's time to fight for your rights.
xo
I never used to be like this. Before I left Cranbrook, I pretty much never read the news nor paid attention to current affairs. I just didn't care. I had to worry about my own problems enough, so why would I care about what was happening around the world?
Well, I opened my eyes to a new world when I moved to Nanaimo. My good friends would tell me stories of corruption, hidden agendas that it shocked me. It shocked me so much that I was compelled to read anything I could about government, organizations, corporations, politics, banks, etc.
Now, I know so much that I've even began taking action against people and organizations that are ruining our planet and disswaying the media.
I've learned that nothing happens by chance. It's all planned, and is done through an agenda of some sort. The world I had once known finally unveiled to me the hidden secrecy and evil that laid underneath. I changed my program to music because of its purity and I've never been happier.
The truth definitely set me free; however, it's not easy telling people the truth. Ignorance indeed is bliss, but it is also your downfall. Many problems could be solved if people took action. Cleverly and decisively, our rights are being taken away and we all just sit there and watch.
It's time to fight for your rights.
xo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)