sleep tonight

Wow, today has been reaaally long and frustrating. I have been studying chemistry for a good portion of my day. I was initially supposed to be reading in the library, but then I got hungry, and well buying food from the cafe would not have been a good idea (seeing as I am flat broke). So I booked it home, made some food, cleaned the house, and studied. To take a break from all of that, I made a cute little photo collage on my pin board. I figured I needed to give my space a little bit of life.. it's so bland. And I don't have the money to afford decorative pieces. It's sooo sad.

I just lit some candles, and I'm trying my hardest to relax (who thought that relaxing could take effort?). Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here. Things didn't go according to plan for school, and I feel like I'm losing focus.

I initially came here to do my math and sciences, but I don't find it very exciting... like, with biology I was actually facinated by learning about the human body and the way organisms live. But with chemistry it's so... bland? I know it SHOULDN'T be... but I'm an arts girl. What can I say?

Whenever Wednesdays and Fridays roll around, I get SUPER pumped. I start the day with music theory, and suddenly the world feels like a better place. You can feel all the positive energy from the music students and teachers. Everyone is sooo happy. It's euphoric. After my Wednesday class ended, I went to the library and read about Bach's life (the teacher didn't mention ANYTHING about him... I just felt like I had to expand my knowledge about such great, facinating people). I learned so much about him. And then I read up on musical modes, and learned how to create scales with them (such as Aeolian... haha). Just BEING in that class makes me wish my parents didn't forget my flute at home! :( It's like a piece of me is missing. Playing the flute always helped calm me down after a really hectic day... and now that I don't have that, I just listen to other floutists play... and I get SO jealous because I want to work harder at it, and become just as good as them. But I'm wasting time without my instrument. Gah...

I really hope I'll be able to participate in the next Baker production because: a) I'll get a ticket home... and see my family and friends... and actually eat some REAL food! b)I'll get to play music again! yaaay! c) Be able to sleep in my OWN bed. I'll have to give Bueckert a call really soon. Hopefully he hasn't picked anyone out yet.

Well, I'm going to jet. I have some more studying to do (aawwwwhhhhhhh) and then i'm going to get some z's... I didn't sleep at all last night. THANK YOU STRESS. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

xox