the see-saw effect: for a certain period of time everything is perfect, but then eventually it all crumbles and i'm back to square one...
like a see-saw this entire month has shifted under my feet. i go through the emotional patterns, starting with anger, to sadness, to neutrality and then finally to acceptance.
it's a ride i'm happy to have conquered... again. sometime or another it will repeat itself. the ugly side of life shows its face, and it won't leave until i'm battered and bruised.
and then i'm left in despair. despair is the WORST part of life! that little voice inside of you that says you're alone. eventually i'll give into that voice, accept what isn't true. with loneliness follows insecurity. a feeling of self-loathing.
it eats at me while i'm alive and breathing. i'm carrying out the normal functions of a human-being, but i don't feel anything at all.
broken down, over and over and over again.
it doesn't last forever. for what had seemed like an eternity finally comes to the victorious conclusion. all of my self-realization flies through the window and hits me square in the head.
"how stupid of me" are the words that shout out from the hidden corners in my mind.
all that despair disappears far, far away. i've pushed it out. all that matters is now, and i'm here in the now. i'm fully awake.
i'm not angry or confused. i'm done questioning the "what if's".
i'm actually really happy, and excited for everything! no matter how horrible it could be...
i'll take it all. the good, the bad, and the ugly.
nothing is perfect, so don't imagine it to be.
you can make any situation in life full of happiness if you truly desire it..
xo
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