These last three days have been so intense. Wow.
Last night was pretty nuts. I got a phone call from Connor and I haven't talked to the guy in two months. Just as things are messed up on my end, things for him aren't too different. He and I have been best friends for 6 months, so when we stopped talking it was really hard.
We talked for about an hour, and it helped clear up so many things. It sucks when your entire support network live miles and miles away. I hope things improve for him as well.
One thing is for certain: I can't wait to get out of here. It's nothing but a dead-end for me. I have some good friends here too, but of course they too are leaving soon.
If there is anything i've learned in two weeks, it is responsibility.
I'll admit. My year in Nanaimo was a blast. I met amazing people, had only three course that consisted of music, drank more than I should have, done things I probably shouldn't have... but it was great. I learned so much about myself, and others. It even got to the point where I completely forgot about my well-being and poured all my energy into helping others.
That sort of thing just tires you out.
When I returned home, I got slapped in the face by reality. I realized how unbalanced I was, and how many things I needed to purge out of my life.
It wasn't easy. I think I'm a bigger mess than before.
But, like so many friends have said, you can't learn without going through the tough stuff first. Even if it means risking everything you have.
Now that everything makes sense, I can finally sort out the bigger things. I've been pretty down, but I know eventually I'll look back at all this and it will have been nothing.
I talked to Paul today, too. We talked about how amazing September will be, and I'm sooo excited! I'll be in the vocal/flute program, playing some gigs downtown, hanging out with the people who have made such an impact on me, and most importantly, loving every bit of it.
The key is to survive the summer. I've been reviewing all my theory and practicing on the keyboard for at least 2 hours everyday. Haven't been able to get in any vocal practice (because there is no where to do that in this house... ), but when the basement clears up it will fall into place.
I'm excited about life.
p.s. i'm obsessed with the new depeche mode album. I relate to it in so many ways. I love it.
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