me, i'm just playing along

Wow - I can't believe how long it's been since the last time I've written.
So many things, big and small, have happened in such a short period of time. Happy things, sad things, confusing things, and disappointing things.

I guess you could say I've become more insightful. I've detached myself from many aspects that once burdened my life. Nanaimo has allowed me to realize so many things about myself that I probably would not have noticed had I stayed in Cranbrook.

Physically, there are two "Harkamal's" that exist. There's the selfish, unsympathetic, and destructive one that resides in Cranbrook, and then there is the enlightened, joyeous and blossoming one who resides in Nanaimo.
Why am I making these two comparisons? Well, let's just say that going home will be a huge challenge - a challenge that will test my strength to not revert back to my old ways.

I have this fear that's eating me from within. I'm so terrified of forgetting what inner peace really is. I was able to break free from the mind struggles and finally begin to think clearly on my own. I am plagued by the "what if's." For instance, "what if" I am left with two choices, and the decision I make reflects on my lack of faith and strength? Am I doomed to failure? How can I open the eyes of those who are left to walk ahead blindfolded? How can I get them to feel what I've felt and encountered?

I've told myself over and over again that I will stand up for what I believe is right. Saying something and doing something are two completely different things. I need to build up my strength so that when the situation arises I may be prepared for the unexpected.

The one main challenge is convincing my parents (mainly my Dad) that what I believe in isn't wrong. That I've finally grown up, and that I can easily distinguish between the bad and good (and of course I know that many will say, "well what exactly is bad and good, and what gives you the right to say you can EASILY distinguish between the two?" - Well, my answer will come from deep within my heart and spirit. Every individual has the right to their own distinctions between the wrong and right).

I never thought this blog would have been THIS deep; however, I am burdened by my thoughts (I wish I could turn off my brain from time to time).

On a more happier note, I can say that I have been blessed by the latest series of events that have occured over the last few weeks. I've met so many loving people who can relate to me in many ways, and that I can relate to them too is awesome!

God, please continue to shed light upon any darkness I may have in my heart, and that you will prevent me from going astray on this path of life.

Night. x