change your mind.

I've been doing some research, and one thing that is making me angry are anti-depressants. Endorsed by a group of psychiatrists in 1970, they masterminded a plan to increase the sale of anti-depressants; therefore, making pharmaceutical companies filthy rich.

And their plan worked. Millions of people around the world are taking anti-depressants without even first looking into what they are actually putting into their bodies.
No scientist has discovered as of yet what type of drug helps a certain kind of chemical imbalance. But that's besides the point. They are literally telling people that if they are sad, angry, or depressed in their lives, there is something WRONG with them. What a horrible way to think! We all go through rough times throughout our lives. It's the way the human body reacts to stressful situations, or the environment. If anti-depressants were not used before the 1970s and people were fine, why should anti-depressants be used, especially when they create more problems than they solve.

I'm mad about this because I have a few friends who are on medications for their depression. I've watched their behavior before they took the drug to after, and things have not improved, but instead have become much worse. After doing research and finding suitable arguments, I showed them all the articles and videos I've watched that clearly show that the anti-depressant drug companies are a FRAUD. A new drug gets released every two weeks, with about a week of testing or less. And it gets approved by the FDA. Of course the FDA wouldn't care though. They make money off of the pharmaceutical companies too. Every time a new drug is to be approved for sale, there is a one million dollar fee to endorse it. But this fee is nothing but a mere fraction of the amount of money that will come back to them in the form of income. One particular drug has made over 100 million dollars within 2 months.

It's nothing but a big experiment on the public. You can literally walk into your doctor's office, ask for a specific kind of anti-depressant, and without any kinds of testing or analysis, he can hand you a bottle as if you were buying candy from a store. Knowing that doctors are being misinformed about the potential risks of anti-depressants is a terrifying thought.
The side effects of anti-depressants are ghastly. The suicide rate goes up drastically. The compounds that are in these drugs cause serious cognitive, and physical side effects, and most are irreversible.

If there is one thing in the world I could change right this second, it would be to BAN all anti-depressants, and to instead endorse NATURAL health products rather than man-made drugs; however, the FDA is doing anything they can to stop the sale of natural health products all together. Recipe for public health, or recipe for depopulation? People need to start waking up for the sake of their health, and for the sake of future generations.

sunshine.

Hello sunshiiine! Been waiting for some sunny days for weeks!! Well worth the wait though!
Okay! So I have so many things on my schedule! Gotta print out my resumes, go for a run, buy groceries, do an hour of vocal and flute practice, and then friend time!

I'm in such a good mood it is ridiculous. I had a blast with the guys last night. We went down to the beach, started a fire, and had a ton of fun. Too bad it came to an end quickly. People had to work the next day, so it was time to head home.

I'm just so happy with everything right now!

xo

burgers.

What a day...

I've been having pains in my legs and feet lately, so I thought I'd go to the doctor. On top of that, muscle cramps, adema of the feet, hands and abdomen, and also I've notice my hair get thinner...
So I went. And I was positive on what it was. I went vegetarian about two months ago due to moral reasons. But thanks to student debt, I was not able to purchase the adequate supplements or foods rich in protein.
Doctor tells me I'm very deficient in protein. Juuust great. Have to start eating meat again whether I like it or not. That's okay. I guess I'll just suck it up for the few months I have left here in Nanaimo, and when I return back to Cranbrook, I'll be able to set up a healthy eating regimen.

Some friends and I stopped at A & W just so they could watch me purchase a teen burger, hahaha.

I'm home now, and I practiced the flute for about an hour. Telemann's pieces are driving me insaane. It's going to take me awhile to master.

Now I have a few hours to kill before I hang out with Connor and Francois. Francois is coming from Victoria tonight, so I'm super stoked. He's a great kid.

I might just have a nap. Everything else seems to be perfectly in place here at home.

xo

fluttering, momentary image of God.

"We're staring at God's multi-dimensional chalkboard as we pass by at the speed of light."

taha's quote.

"Haha I feel sooo happy, that I'm struggling to understand how you can possibly be sad when we live in such a crazy world.
Isn't it ridiculous that things such as sadness and happiness exist? i mean why cant we just exist? and how the fuck did god come up with the existence of feelings.. man alive!!
It makes me think, like how people want to be one with God, and they want to comprehend him... but they never will, because God can create. We can only work with what he creates... there is no limit to what can exist!"
-- Taha

It is so comforting to know that I have friends that I can talk to at any time of the day, about ANYTHING, and they'll listen to what ever it is I have to say.
They don't judge me on anything. They love me as I love them, truthfully. And the honesty that is there sets us all free.

only the faintest glance buries you, buries me.

i know i love you like the slivered gold of dying days.
i know i love you like an ancient history brought to life.
i know i love you like the sunlit water on your skin.
i know i love you like the million times i've never said.

life is fine.

I went down to the river,
I set down on the bank.
I tried to think but couldn't,
So I jumped in and sank.

I came up once and hollered!
I came up twice and cried!
If that water hadn't a-been so cold
I might've sunk and died.

But it was Cold in that water! It was cold!

I took the elevator
Sixteen floors above the ground.
I thought about my baby
And thought I would jump down.

I stood there and I hollered!
I stood there and I cried!
If it hadn't a-been so high
I might've jumped and died.

But it was High up there! It was high!

So since I'm still here livin',
I guess I will live on.
I could've died for love--
But for livin' I was born

Though you may hear me holler,
And you may see me cry--
I'll be dogged, sweet baby,
If you gonna see me die.

Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!

-- langston hughes.

keane.

I've loved Keane since their first CD Hopes and Fears came out.
Their ballads are absolutely amazing. They needed to go up on my blog.

blame it on my youth.

I stayed up late last night. Like, really late. Like, 3 am late. Could not sleep at all.
Instead, I looked up new music artists, rearranged my place and pondered about school. Music has been going great lately. The people I've met in the program are sooo cool! I've already got some gigs lined up for next month. There is one on Gabriola Island, and just a few around town. It's amazing to see things are looking way up! I'm actually having fun!

I hung out with some girls from class in the afternoon. They're pretty rad. Took a stroll down to my friend Zoey's house in the beautiful weather (plus 8, and sunshine!) and lounged in the sun deck. Had a good chit-chat, and then went home.

Taha called me later to go for coffee. That was pretty nice too.

Now I'm just at home hanging out. I have to do some theory homework later, but right now I'm just having some down time.
I'm kind of pissed off right now. I talked to someone from Cranbrook, who I haven't talked to in months, over msn. All I asked was if she was doing well, how she's liking her new town, etc, etc. And then, she decides to ask me all these personal questions. I mean, first of all, it's none of her business. Secondly, she has way too much time on her hands.

I can't get over it. People judge others just so they can feel gratified about themselves. It's absolutely retarded. I mean, I don't care about what they do. It's not for me to judge. Whatever. I went to a new town, I tried new things, met new people. And learned from life.
Some people NEVER change. I guess it's just a small town thing.

I'm going to do the dishes. Connor and Taha might come over later to watch some movies. Better clean up a bit.

Will blog more later.... xo

we're on our own.

so many lifeless empty hands.
so many hearts in great demand.

mark carvalho.

I've become a fan of Mark Carvalho lately.
He has some pretty stellar street art.

Just something else to give me some inspiration.

little things.

I thought I'd start blogging quotes from my friends.

"Let's make a snowman. We can make him our best friend!"
- Brandon

give me the joy of summer wine.

I woke up to a wet, foggy, slushy morning. We've been having snow warnings for a few days now, and it finally hit. I could really use some sunshine in my life pronto.

I ended up spending the night at the BGH again. We went to see some plays last night. One was about a half an hour, and the other was over an hour. It was hard not to get distracted from the story line because some of the boys acting on stage were reaaally cute! One of them was an accomplished pianist. He was playing in the lobby after the show. Paul asked me to give him my number, but I didn't. I'm the biggest chicken everrr.

So we get to the BGH and we just discussed what we liked about the shows and stuff. Paul actually found some of the guys on facebook (haha) and as it turns out, the guy I thought was cute was gay! OF COURSE. Just my luck. Gaaah. So I told Paul he could have him, ahahaa.

Ebony went to bed early that night, and Paul stayed up to watch My Best Friend's Girl. I just love the scene where he's in the car with his date and he's yelling at her to put cotton in her ears, ahaha.

So yeah, it was way too late for me to walk home, so I fell asleep on the couch there, then woke up and finally came home. I have vocal jazz around 2:30, so I'm just killing some time.

I've been needing some inspiration lately. Everyday feels exactly the same. I need some kind of motivation, even if it's the slightest change. So after my class is over, I'm going to come home and firstly clean my home, and then get my creative edge on. There are a lot of good quotes I have laying around the house, so I thought I'd post them on the walls. Then I think I'll stick some copies of my musical notes around where I can see them (I really need some information to sink in...), and then put some colorful drapes up that I've had forever, but have been way to lazy to do anything with them. Can't let the weather blues get me dooown!

Hurray, 2 days until Lawford gets here. One month until the pub crawl (oh man). And a month and a half until some of my friends from Cranbrook come and visit me!

x

the greatest.

I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or waterfall could stop me
And then came the rush of the flood
The stars at night turned you to dust

Melt me down
To big black armor
Leave no trace
Of grace
Just in your honor
Lower me down
That corporate slob
Make a watch
For a space in town
For the lack of the drugs
My faith had been sleeping

Lower me down
In the end
Secure the grounds
For the later parade
Once I wanted to be the greatest
Two faced, sad little rock
When things I couldn't explain
Any feelings

Lower me down
In the end
Secure the grounds
For the lack of the drugs
My faith had been sleeping
For the later parade

Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or water fall could stop me
And then came the rush of the flood
The stars at night turned you to dust

ruled by secrecy.

“In a country well governed poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed wealth is something to be ashamed of.”
— Confucius

rainy monday.

I just got home from class, and I'm sooo frustrated! For one, I've been sick for a good three weeks now, and it's taking me forever to get better. It's unusual. I hardly get sick. The last time I had the flu was three years ago. But for some reason, this cold is not leaving me. It's bothering me because I have so much to practice for my vocal lessons, and I've hardly made any progress because of it.
Also, I'm very fed up with the way I look. My weight is just making me so angry. I hardly ever eat anything unhealthy, and I run about 4-5 times a week, but I'm not happy with myself at all. I need to re-vamp my workout or something. Sigh.
Also, I just feel low about almost everything. I'm sure it's just one of those "off" days, because of the bland weather and some kind of psychological aspect.

Hopefully the day gets better. I'm supposed to head with Paul and Ebs down to VIU to check out a series of short plays that is on tonight. And then after is looootsa music practice. I'll try to get to bed early tonight, as I've been extremely tired.

Can't believe it's just Monday... feels like a Wednesday... going to be one very long week.

Good news though! Lawford is coming from London this Thursday to see us! Last time he was here, it was a blast! I myself can't wait to go to London in December. I need to do something new, get out of this country for a bit. It's a long time to wait until then, but whatever.

Hurry up weekend!

xo

brand new colony.

smile.smile.smile.

world town.

I probably had the greatest Friday ever!
It's been awhile since Paul, Ebony and I got to spend some quality time together. But now, since Paul wanted to relax and Ebony had made herself 4 assignments ahead of the pack, it was time to rekindle our love!

It all started around noon. Ebony sent an e-mail out the night before suggesting sushi, so she met up with me at the campus cafeteria, and then we headed down to the BGH to wait for Phil to arrive. Phil got there about 45 min later, and we decided to go pick up Cary babes (she didn't go because she had just eaten a huge breakfast, plus she read the e-mail too late...) From there, we took our hungry bellies to the Blue Ginger which in known in Nanaimo for the best sushi around.

Now, I've never eaten raw fish in my life. I always just order the california rolls with imitation crab, or the avocado/cucumber rolls, and I think they're delicious! Everyone knows I've been a vegetarian for about a month now, but the only compromises I make are fish... I heart salmon.
No doubt I was scared to do this. Paul and Ebony are like seafood fanatics, so I trusted them to help in my decision. Ebs highly recommended the tuna and BBQ eel. I ordered those along with the california rolls with REAL crab.

While we waited anxiously for our food, we reminisced about our years in elementary school. We talked about the bullying and taunting (towards us, or towards others!) and had some pretty good laughs. I don't think I've laughed that hard in quite some time, actually!

But yes, then the food arrived, and there was this HUGE piece of tuna and eel sitting on a bed of rice, and I won't lie, I got pretty scared... but nope, Ebony woudln't have it. She made me stuff that giant piece of tuna in my mouth... aaaand... to my surprise, it was actually pretty good! I was expecting this sharp hit of fish taste, which I would loathe, but it blended well with the pickled ginger, wasabi and soy sauce... excellent! And then I moved on to the eel which scared me even more. But I ate it, and it had a strange consistancy to it. But nonetheless, good.
Ebony had ordered rolls made with cucumber, mango curry, tuna, and atop of it was cavier. Tried that too. Was awesome! Then I indulged in my california rolls and loved every bit of it.
We all ate what we ordered, and then ordered even more! I now ordered the dynamite cone which had cucumber, rice, cavier, and prawn. So good! Paul ordered some stuff, and so did Ebs and Phil. The funny part to this story went like this: We all got our second plate of food, and in my plate was the roll, but beside the roll was salmon, and squid. I thought it must have come with my order because no one else said anything. So I thought, okay, whatever. I'll eat this. The salmon was pretty nasty, don't think I'll ever do it again. And then the squid.. oh my God. RANK! I nearly gagged. Ebony made me swallow. Sick. Absolutely sick. AND THEN, we find out later, it was PAUL's! Ahhhhh. He could have spared me the grief of eating that nasty, raw, pungent fish.

We took our stuffed bellies to the mall. Shopped for a while, didn't buy anything except for high quality chocolates, and then went back home. Ebs, Paul and I lazed around the BGH and decided to take our lazy hides to the gym. Did an hour of spin cycle which was amazing, and then went back home to make dinner. Nothing like perogies and salad!

But no, our day didn't end there! It was now 9:00pm, and we decided to go check out the new movie Milk that just got into theatres. Did a junk food run first of course (we don't fancy the idea of spending 8 bucks in the theatre for food, we'd rather opt for Wal-Mart, thanks) and snuck it into the show.

I must say, it was a great movie. Shows that you really can achieve what you believe. You can show the nay-sayers that all that matters is equality between people and casting aside judgement. It was pretty sad, but powerful. Ebony fell asleep during it (haha, she's so cute) and Paul and I just made rude, funny comments about some of the people in the movie, hahaha.

And then it was bed time. I ended up crashing at their house rather than mine because my bed isn't comfy at all. Yeah, I know I live like down the street from them, but it was midnight, and who cares. I got a better sleep there.

All in all, a day well spent. I don't think we ever tire of one another. I mean, isn't that what friendship is about?

Will blog more tomorrow... I've been sick all day today, might be getting the flu. Ugh. Just what I need.

God bless, and goodnight. xo

put it behind you.

It's a fresh start for me, and let me tell you, it feels really good.