Guess what? It's 2 am and I'm still awake... again.
There are so many things that I am missing since I've come to Nanaimo. Not the material things, the emotional things. It's really hard. I miss the comfort of being at home for so many reasons.
a) because whenever I'd start to get depressed, I had my friends and family there for me.
b) the fact that I wasn't home alone all the time.
c) I knew everything about Cranbrook so I could go where ever I wanted to.
When you move away on your own, you begin to realize what human nature is really like. When I was in Cranbrook, I took my parents love for granted. They were always there. My mom would always give me hugs and just all the attention I could ever need. And I realize now just how essential that is to me. Whenever I'd feel lost about life or anything else, my mom would always just give me that really long hug where I could cry or whatever on her shoulder. It was so nice. I really wish she was here with me right now. I don't even know why I feel like this. I just feel so low. Sometimes it's even hard to smile around people. I'm just going to pray to God and have Him help me out because I don't know anyone I can turn to for help.
I should really sleep.
Peace, light and love to all.
xo
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
too many questions
Wow... it's been a long time since I've last written.
The last three weeks have been a giant puzzle that has finally been solved. I know that sounds weird, but it's very true. I got so many signs from God that linked beautifully and intricately together... I will never be the same person that I was one month ago.
I won't mention every sign that had been given to me... but I will share some.
It all began when I met a guy named Connor. If you just saw him walking down the street, you'd think he was a young troublemaker. I met him through Ryan at a little gathering in the north end of Nanaimo - just a bunch of guys and gals drinking and socializing. Ryan and I didn't stay for long as we had to walk back to his house, which would take us about 45 min... and by now it's 2:30 in the morning...
The next day, I added Con on facebook, and then he had added me on msn... it was kind of weird, but I don't care too much about things like that. People want to talk to new people, it's not a new occurance. That night, Connor signed in on msn, and we just started talking. Within one hour, I knew his life story, and he knew mine. It was soooo weird! We connected on a multitude of topics, and it was obvious that we shared the same sort of beliefs towards the world and life.
The next week, I went for drinks with Steve and Connor. We decided to situate ourselves in a tiny pub just around where I live. It was here that I found out Connor wasn't 19. Now, Connor is a BIG guy. He's like 6 foot 3, and probably weighs about 200 lbs... just massive. Anyways, the waitress comes around, ID's Steve and I, and then Connor hands over his driver's license... and at this point Steve and I are just so nervous because we're sure he'd get caught. The waitress hands back the ID to Connor and says, "So what will you have tonight?". Steve and I were in disbelief... Okay I'll return back to the main point of the story. The three of us get some drinks in, and we decide to walk around the harbour. CRAZY night.. I won't say more.. but we talked about everything and it was at this point that we developed a very deep, meaningful friendship.
Let's just say that about two weeks after, Connor told me some news that flipped my world upside down. Everything I believed in, EVERYTHING, was no longer true. My heart sank. I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't go to school for one week because I was mentally unstable. I hardly ate, I cried for hours a day, and I never got out of bed, yet I barely slept. It was the worst week of my entire life.
This week was MY week. It was the week God had given to me to smarten up, and realize the truth. I was once an angry teenager. Now, I'm a mellow young adult. I am no longer irritated by the little problems in life. Little problems include drama, family arguments, boy issues,... just all the stupid stuff. I began to understand why people acted the way they did. I could see why people were unhappy, angry, or even suicidal. However, I am still unable to grasp why there are certain individuals on this planet that use their time on earth to make others miserable.
After that week, I questioned everything I saw. And I got my answers very quickly. Initially, I was going to school for a degree in Nutrition. After that week, I dropped my science courses, and decided to base my life around music. Starting next January, I will be enrolled in the music program. I want to have a profession that brings joy not only to myself, but others around me. People need to be happy. They do not need to live in pain, suffering and fear. Life is too short for that.
I made myself closer to God. I ask Him everyday to guide me on the right path, and to shine His light on the people in the world. I wish people would wake up and stop fighting over cast, money, religion, beliefs. We need to unite together, and realize that in the end, we are all the same. We breathe the same air, we have blood running through our veins, and that we will end up in the same place.
I know this blog is very scattered and confusing. But I can't really write everything out... it only makes sense to me.
It's like 2 am right now... and I can't sleep. I go through patterns like this every now and then... tonight is just one of those unsettling nights I guess. I probably wouldn't be this unstable if I could see my mom for a bit. She's always been good at comforting me, and bringing my mind to peace. She's my angel. The minute I get some cash flowing into my pocket from my job, I'll probably fly home for a weekend just to see my family. I regret all the fighting and arguments we had in the past.
But, to kind of sum things up, Nanaimo has been the best thing for me. I've grown up tremendously within the span of a month and a half. It's good to have a free conscience to help you see what you're doing wrong in your life. I won't ever stop growing as a person. And I ask God to keep me on the path of righteousness.
Peace, light and love to all.
xoxo
The last three weeks have been a giant puzzle that has finally been solved. I know that sounds weird, but it's very true. I got so many signs from God that linked beautifully and intricately together... I will never be the same person that I was one month ago.
I won't mention every sign that had been given to me... but I will share some.
It all began when I met a guy named Connor. If you just saw him walking down the street, you'd think he was a young troublemaker. I met him through Ryan at a little gathering in the north end of Nanaimo - just a bunch of guys and gals drinking and socializing. Ryan and I didn't stay for long as we had to walk back to his house, which would take us about 45 min... and by now it's 2:30 in the morning...
The next day, I added Con on facebook, and then he had added me on msn... it was kind of weird, but I don't care too much about things like that. People want to talk to new people, it's not a new occurance. That night, Connor signed in on msn, and we just started talking. Within one hour, I knew his life story, and he knew mine. It was soooo weird! We connected on a multitude of topics, and it was obvious that we shared the same sort of beliefs towards the world and life.
The next week, I went for drinks with Steve and Connor. We decided to situate ourselves in a tiny pub just around where I live. It was here that I found out Connor wasn't 19. Now, Connor is a BIG guy. He's like 6 foot 3, and probably weighs about 200 lbs... just massive. Anyways, the waitress comes around, ID's Steve and I, and then Connor hands over his driver's license... and at this point Steve and I are just so nervous because we're sure he'd get caught. The waitress hands back the ID to Connor and says, "So what will you have tonight?". Steve and I were in disbelief... Okay I'll return back to the main point of the story. The three of us get some drinks in, and we decide to walk around the harbour. CRAZY night.. I won't say more.. but we talked about everything and it was at this point that we developed a very deep, meaningful friendship.
Let's just say that about two weeks after, Connor told me some news that flipped my world upside down. Everything I believed in, EVERYTHING, was no longer true. My heart sank. I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't go to school for one week because I was mentally unstable. I hardly ate, I cried for hours a day, and I never got out of bed, yet I barely slept. It was the worst week of my entire life.
This week was MY week. It was the week God had given to me to smarten up, and realize the truth. I was once an angry teenager. Now, I'm a mellow young adult. I am no longer irritated by the little problems in life. Little problems include drama, family arguments, boy issues,... just all the stupid stuff. I began to understand why people acted the way they did. I could see why people were unhappy, angry, or even suicidal. However, I am still unable to grasp why there are certain individuals on this planet that use their time on earth to make others miserable.
After that week, I questioned everything I saw. And I got my answers very quickly. Initially, I was going to school for a degree in Nutrition. After that week, I dropped my science courses, and decided to base my life around music. Starting next January, I will be enrolled in the music program. I want to have a profession that brings joy not only to myself, but others around me. People need to be happy. They do not need to live in pain, suffering and fear. Life is too short for that.
I made myself closer to God. I ask Him everyday to guide me on the right path, and to shine His light on the people in the world. I wish people would wake up and stop fighting over cast, money, religion, beliefs. We need to unite together, and realize that in the end, we are all the same. We breathe the same air, we have blood running through our veins, and that we will end up in the same place.
I know this blog is very scattered and confusing. But I can't really write everything out... it only makes sense to me.
It's like 2 am right now... and I can't sleep. I go through patterns like this every now and then... tonight is just one of those unsettling nights I guess. I probably wouldn't be this unstable if I could see my mom for a bit. She's always been good at comforting me, and bringing my mind to peace. She's my angel. The minute I get some cash flowing into my pocket from my job, I'll probably fly home for a weekend just to see my family. I regret all the fighting and arguments we had in the past.
But, to kind of sum things up, Nanaimo has been the best thing for me. I've grown up tremendously within the span of a month and a half. It's good to have a free conscience to help you see what you're doing wrong in your life. I won't ever stop growing as a person. And I ask God to keep me on the path of righteousness.
Peace, light and love to all.
xoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)