day 3.

omg, i look like a chipmunk.
so, for the last 3 days i have been living off of pudding, freezies, cold soups, tons of water, T3's and penicillin (that makes me super sick).
great life.
i've probably lost about 5 lbs (i'm not complaining about this part at all), but i look like a mess. it's hard to sleep, when fluids are constantly moving about your face (so sick), and a sharp pain stabs you every 15 seconds. gosh.
i'm not a happy camper, that's for sure. but it's totally brought out more of my creative side.
i learned to play keane's bedshaped on the piano. just about perfected the entire song, then, when my face finally heals up, i'll sing on top of it, and record it.
yay me.
it's such a beautiful day out. i would love to have been on the beach right now, but that won't happen.

i just want to be normal again. and do normal things. and eat normal food, haha.
oh welllllllllllllllllllllll.

xbox game time. looooooooooool

never again!

okay. so, because i usually get into unusual situations, let's just say that my wisdom teeth extraction was terrifying.

everything was going well. he was cracking my left bottom tooth, when suddenly a huge stream of blood squirts out of my mouth and everyone starts panicking. the doctor is literally yelling at the assistant for gauze, and she took about 15 seconds to grab it, meanwhile this huge stream just keeps going.
i cried.
turns out the root was right above the jaw artery.
the feeling of warm blood filling up your entire mouth is the strangest feeling ever. he later said that if he did try to remove the root i would need a blood transfusion. fml.
the procedure was intended to be about 30 min. i was in there for an hour and a half.
now i'm in a tremendous amount of pain (waiting for the T3 to kick in) and scared to death that my artery will act up again.

ugh. never again. thank god i only had two.

the world is wrapped around my finger (who knew).

i feel like i've made it to the end of the rainbow
and instead of gold and rubies
i've found open hearts and enchanting smiles
and this feeling
i've felt it before
but this time
it's entirely brand new.

all i had to do was...

j
u
m
p

x

poetry is in the air.

tomorrow = wisdom teeth removal = i am a wimp.

also.

things are looking up.

aaand...

i'm going to go eat a mango.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

woo!

Gosh, I feel great!
Woke up about 25 min ago, and soon I'll head out for a bike ride.
Lots to do today! There are some new pieces I need to practice on the piano, some vocal practice, theory review, job hunting, dentist appointment (wisdom teeth soon to be removed... blargh), coffee date, make dinner, go for a run, hang with the fam... and anything else that happens to swing my way.
All-in-all, I guess I feel, well, more balanced! This meditation thing is working its charm.
Who cares about the past. What matters is everything in the now.

Well, I best get ready and hit the hills.

x

sun in the sky, you know what i mean.

woke up to a great day.
i took the bike out around 9 and went up the highway to kimberley. it was so refreshing. the sun was out, the temperature was perfect, and it was pretty quiet. did about fourty minutes worth, and then on the way back, i realized the battery cover for my phone had fallen off. great.
it's not that big of a deal... i can get the replacement part from ebay for about a dollar... whatever.
i then went home, made some tea and hung out with my mom.
there was this game my bro bought that i really wanted to play, so i did. it's called fallout 3... it's about how the human race blew itself up and a few people lived in underground vaults. it's set in the year 2077. played about an hour of that, then went for a nap.
turns out my hour nap went for two hours. i was woken up by my brothers coming home from work/school, so i bummed around with them.
i'll probably go practice my music in a bit, and then phone up some friends. nothing too eventful to report.

tomorrow calls for warm weather, another bike ride, a coffee date, job hunting and anything else to keep myself occupied.

love, always.

dreary monday.

alright.
i woke up at 6. had some greens, did my laundry, texted katie, practiced music...
was planning on a bike ride. but guess what... it's going to rain. go figure.
so now i just feel reaaally gross. I think i've gained some weight back (to put it bluntly, yeah, i feel super fat)... that birthday week sure added up... ugh.
so now i'm back to my no-sugar routine. works like a charm... if only the weather would co-operate with me i'd be happy.
i'm thinking of heading into town to see katie bear. don't know what we'll end up doing. the idea of a run (once again) fell through, so i think we're just going to kick back and relax...
might be able to swing by and see tiana for a couple hours.

things to do tonight:
organize things
practice things
watch a movie with mom
hang with the brothers.

oh, also, i'm happy to mention i've decided to stop smoking (i am not a chain smoker... i hardly smoke... but in the last two weeks, the number of smokes i've had boggles the mind)...

one more thing: i highly recommend watching the movie, The Secret... amazing.

heres to shitty weather.

there is a sparrow living outside of our shed.

Saturday (how surprisingly uneventful):
woke up to a friend's phone call
had a traditional east-indian breakfast
played with my little brother (but he's so tall now, how can I call him little anymore :( )
learned to play Tonight by Stars on the piano
sat in my room, a little sad (i'm going backwards in life right now)
barely held a conversation with my father
phone chat with tiana (always makes my heart bubble)
recorded myself playing Tonight
online conversations, movie downloads (the secret), meditation charts
earl gray tea :D
blogging...

tomorrow = the following... :
bike ride with the birds
conversation with my mother (how i adore her)
meditation (i feel spiritually deprived lately)
hang out with tiana ( <3 )
bro-time
and anything else that makes others, and myself, happy.
oh i know... i should start drawing again (best representation of anything that does or does not matter)
time with God (always.)

reflections:
i never want to grow up.
energy is such a powerful thing.
love and be loved (and isn't that just the key to solve everything)
i want to sit in the sun... and do nothing at all.
being sad sucks.

gives me wings.

you are my sunshiiine
my only sunshiiine

you know who you are, lovely !

juggling act.

what i've encountered since coming back home.
people who try to act like they're better than you
people who still treat you like a kid
people who still say shit behind you're back when you're not watching
people who are afraid to grow up
people who can chat your ears away with their problems. not a big deal, you're helpful so you help them. but when it's your turn they are no where to be found
people who still LIE

i could go on. let's face the hard facts.
i am who i am. people who do compare themselves to you obviously still haven't learned to just be themselves (come on, everyone else is already taken. be original)
purging some people out of my life has just made things so much lighter.
thank god.

don't move.

pieces of me are scattered everywhere
wish i could put myself back together but i'm lost
where to even begin.

bullshit.

life lessons for this week:

- immaturity can manifest itself into someone in many ways. trick of the trade is to just not go along with it.
- control is all part of insecurity. take away the control, and you're free.
- some boys think that they can have it all. funny, because you're the last thing I'd want.

i'm glad i've opened my eyes and realized all i have to offer. i have nothing to worry about.

ha.

missing logic.

when the fuck did vengeance ever sustain a friendship?
and how can you love someone when you constantly live in denial?

get over yourself.

we're all one.

it's time to realize that we're all part of one big plan
every action creates a chain-reaction
i am you and you are me
channeling energy into every aspect of life
connecting to everyone in a different way
and pushing you on the path you're on
nothing happens by coincidence
if energy is neither created nor destroyed...
where exactly do we go?
we're all fragments of God
colliding and repelling infinitely...
where time never did and never will exist.

beautiful.

seize the day.

random quote of the day:

"If you know the truth, for the betterment of humanity, and for the prosperity of all man-kind, you have an obligation to share it."
-- unknown.

I attended my first Kootenay Truth meeting last night, and I met only 3 of the participants..
yep. only three.
I was blown away. The group has been meeting for about 3 years now, and only three people have stuck with it.
I met up with Barb's brother Brad, and two other members Theo and Jason. They are quite the friendly, yet very serious, kind of people.
We got down to business. I learned about how the group came about, and their many fascinating stories regarding past protests. We also discussed the more major topics like Bill C-6/Codex, depleted uranium, natural health, and fluoride.
We're all compiling facts together and preparing them to be presented to the public at our next gathering. I'm hoping to set one up here in Marysville for the Marysville Daze event that is scheduled to be in the first week of June.
They sent me off with a bunch of readings and dvd's, so I have a lot to learn before my first event... i'm a bit nervous, but really excited.

After the meeting I headed out with some girls and went to the bar. I don't think I'll ever go there again. Some things just never change...
thankfully I had another epiphany. And I've learned new bits of wisdom.

that is all, folks.

things i hate.

DENIAL.

what you make so obvious.

this part of you is something i'm not used to
but i won't close my eyes, they're on to you

remember the cause.

i don't want to share you
please don't say goodnight

leave me with the birds.

it is so perfect and pure
entrancing me in this feeling so utterly divine
leading me into something completely unknown
walking weightlessly with this pulse of life
lifting me higher and higher

come down they say
come down
the static buzzing within my ears
thoughts are murmuring within my mind
"but, why?"
it's much too beautiful up here
i'm much too happy up here
the sun is rising, gently reminding me this:

i am free.

smorgasboard.

new loves:
skateboarding (WTF... i know)
spinach and strawberry smoooothies
kool-aid and vodka (haha)
global deejays
fresh faces and refreshing smiles
childhood.

oh and i dropped five.
no.big.d.

life is good.

by the way, i could use some hollywood in my life right about now (...hint hint-uh!)